Withnail: Opened the oven door and it was in there looking at me. Do you know, when you first came in here I knew you were a services man. Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: You have done something to your brain. It won't be the first time I've been left with the couch. [as Marwood walks past him] It's those dreadful beady eyes, they stare you out. How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack? [to Withnail] Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! Withnail: Nonsense, this is a far superior drink to meths! These aren't mine, they belong to him. [They drunkenly barge into some tearooms]. [amorously puts his hand on Marwood's arm as he peels vegetables] I'm in a park and I'm practically dead. Withnail: Rejuvenate! We worked out it would be handy karma for him to get hold of a suit but he's a very low temperature spade, the Coalman. [while high on drugs] Withnail: Old suit? The fucking kettle's on fire! Monty: Scrubbers! My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. *Scrubbers*! A pair of quadruple whiskies and another pair of pints, please. [he swerves dangerously through the motorway traffic]. We're in this cottage here. I've gone and fucked my brain! A coward you are, Withnail! Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect clip. Withnail & I Quotes He's building the prototype now. It's available on Please explain the joke from Withnail and I : ExplainTheJoke And if I spike you, you'll know you've been spoken to. It is a bond filled with trust, unconditional love, understanding, and support. Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: These are the sort of windows faces look in at! Danny: [voiceover] "Boy lands plum role for top Italian director" Course he does! Withnail: Then why has my head gone numb? "Geoff Woade is feeling better and is now prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about." They are flat broke, so they move to the house of Withnail's uncle in the countryside. If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present. Here. Let's be 'Withnail and I' (1987) - datalounge.com Who is the huge spade in the bath? You mustn't blame yourself. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight. [Heckles pedestrian] Throw yourself into the road, darling, you haven't got a chance! [getting up at the same time] He's so mauve, we don't know what he's planning! Withnail: The meaning dawns on him. Of course he's the fucking farmer! It has voodoo qualities. I adore you. This is a British cult classic. Would you like a drink? Danny's a genius. I happened to be looking for a suit for the Coalman two weeks ago. I dislike relatives in general and in particular mine. We're doing a feature for Country Life. We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. Danny: No, man. But old now, old. Yeah, I know that, you've got to kill it. Tea Shop Proprietor: Top 65 Best Nikola Tesla Quotes On Energy & Success 2023, Top 70 Bengals Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 68 March Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 57 Airplane Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 65 Philippine Literature Quiz Trivia Questions And Answers, Top 62 Chemistry Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023, Top 63 Biology Trivia Quiz Questions And Answers 2023. Evidently country people are no more receptive to strangers than city-dwellers. What a piece of work is a man! If you don't remember the sixties, don't worry neither did they. Finally, the Withnail And I script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Richard E. Grant movie. If your father was my father you wouldn't get it. All right, this is the plan. Beside there's nothing invented I couldn't take. The Coalman had to go to Jamaica. Outvie him. Danny: If I medicined you, you'd think a brain tumour was a birthday present! *Aaaaarggghhhh*! Marwood: Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the f***ing farmer! It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint. Listen to this. Street: The Embalmer! Danny: [voiceover] That's worse than meths! Marwood: A coward you are, Withnail! I will say one thing for Monty, he keeps a sensational cellar. [leaning out the car window] Imagine getting into a fight with the f***er! You've got soup. Give me a downer, Danny. The only thing you're in that I've been in is this fucking bath! [during dinner] Withnail: Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Just say there are a couple of drunks in the Penrith tearooms and we want them removed. So here we are gonna talk about some of thebest quotes from the movie. But sooner or later you've got to get out because it's crashing. Withnail: Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts . Probably on a tenner a day, and I know what for! I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! If he comes into my room again, it's murder, and you'll be held responsible in law! General: by Anonymous: . It will pass. Here was a man with 3/4 of an inch of brain who'd taken a dislike to me. Something's got to be done. Keep your bag up. You needn't explain, he's told me everything. Cake. Withnail: In this case, it most certainly would not. [narrating over scene] Hello? Monty: The school in fiction Poetry. Now, what makes you think I should give you something for your pot? A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us. God fulfils himself in many ways. What's your name, MacFuck? You can use the left-hand menu to view some of the most popular quotes from the main Withnail and I characters . They're selling hippie wigs in Woolworths, man. Yes, as a matter of fact I have. His mechanism's gone, he's had more drugs than you've had hot dinners! Look at that, accident black spot! Jake: These pheasants are for my pot. [holding up a Fairy Liquid bottle with a strap and a tube]. No fridges, no televisions, no phones. Withnail: Especially that little pimp! He wants to get down there and have sex with those cows. It's you he wants. Hey, give us a wheeze on that fag. tags: humour, withnail-i. Peter Marwood (I): We want the finest wines available to humanity! Find the exact He says he won't come in for lunch without an apology. Withnail: In fact, he'd probably tell you what he was going to do before he did it. Federal judge sentences Massachusetts man to probation for running 'S alright, 's alright, s'alright We're going, our car has arrived! It's you he wants. Marwood: If you can't find anything, bring in the shed. What are we going to do about it? Now, come along, I'm going to teach you how to peel a potato. Withnail: That's what you'd say, but that wouldn't wash with Geoff. It's trying to get itself in with you, it's trying for even more advantage! That is an unfortunate political decision. What on Earth are those? We are indeed drifting into the arena of the unwell. The "I must sleep with you because I've been scared" - convenient isn't it, when you're both half or . Marwood: I called him a ponce. Go with it. You merely imagined it. I've only had a few ales. 'He used to pick on me. Withnail freezes in terror with a mouthful of pie, ripping Withnail's tartan scarf off his neck, Withnail suddenly runs out of the pub, so does Marwood, Marwood is in the pub toilets, after walking past a hulking Irishman who's called him a ponce, Withnail picks up a bottle of lighter fluid, he pours the lighter fluid down his throat. [the bedroom door slowly opens and the intruder enters with a torch]. Anyway, I loathe those Russian plays. I'm not having this shag-sack insulting me! All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Monty: He doesn't have any friends. C*nt give him two years. Locations, see. It's obsessed with its gut. I think an evening at The Crow. Winchester College in fiction - Wikipedia Hare. Jake: It's a bloody chicken! Black puddings are no good to us. He told me about your arrest in the Tottenham Court Road. Eat some cake. Jake: Withnail: Monty: Listen, I pay you 10 percent to do that. [removing his sunglasses] Two out-of-work actors -- the anxious, luckless Marwood and his acerbic, alcoholic friend, Withnail -- spend their days drifting between their squalid flat, the unemployment office and the pub. Danny: Time change. I do. The Withnail and I film script contains a virtually non-stop array of one-liners from all the main characters - and for this reason the film is often touted as being one of the most quotable films ever made. I'm not going to understudy anybody. Easily Marwood: [relieved] Monty! Withnail: Withnail: It'll happen. [looking at the kitchen sink overflowing with dirty dishes] Irishman: I was gonna cook onions. Eggs and things. Marwood: (Voice-over) I could hardly piss straight with fear. Withnail: Withnail is walking him to the station in the heavy rain]. Law rather appeals to me actually. . I never thought he'd come all this way. Find *anything*. Withnail: Danny: A cat, rain, Vim under the sink, and both bars on. Find your neutral space. I'm preparing myself to forgive you. Monty, Monty! That's politics, innit? [Monty's Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the window]. And all at once those frozen hours, melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores. I brought two of these in case either of you is any good in the kitchen. [they stop and look at each other. Got busted coming back through Heathrow. I might fetch you up a rabbit. I must be out of my mind. [toasting with a drink] Marwood: Add spice to it. Uncle Monty: Oh, my boys, my boys, forgive me. You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. I tell you, I've a fuck sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. Marwood: We live in a land of weather forecasts and breakfasts that set in, shat on by Tories, shovelled up by Labour, and here we are, we three; perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. How like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! If you have any question or suggestion then just comment below or contact us. withnail and i quotes You got a rush. Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. Marwood: Marwood: Get that damned little swine out of here! Indeed, I remember my first agent. Withnail & I - The Script - Tripod [he pulls Withnail's cigarette out of his mouth and puts it in his]. Withnail : Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up! Marwood: I have a heart condition. Withnail: How should I know where we are? I'm in the middle of a bloody overdose! [overtaking a car on the motorway] . That means we'll miss out on Monday but come up smiling Tuesday morning. We'll tell him they had a farmers' conference and had a run on them. Withnail: You mean we've come out here in the middle of f***ing nowhere without aspirins? I don't advise a haircut, man. Withnail is cowering under the covers]. Withnail: Those are the kind of windows faces look in at. General: Policeman 1: Why don't I get any soup? Marwood: How infinite in faculties! A coward you are, Withnail! I can never touch meat until it's cooked. Withnail: Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. 13 million Londoners have to wake up to this. Danny: Grab its ring. Do you like vegetables? Withnail: Withnail: I fail to see my familys of any interest to you. Withnail and I Quotes, Movie quotes - Movie Quotes .com I've been to drama school. Withnail: I assure I'm not [drunk], officer, honestly, I've only had a few light ales. Withnail: Withnail: Jake: Here hare here!' Cooking's one of the natural instincts. Withnail: Uncle Monty: Here hare here here hare here! His name's Presuming Ed. Monty: Waitress: Withnail: His sister give him the idea. Right, now we're going to have to approach this scientifically. Danny: You're not leaving me in here alone. What is all this tactical necessity and calculated risk? [Withnail laughs hysterically and falls to the floor, then vomits on Marwood's feet], Withnail: Marwood: Get out of it for a while. Marwood: You know what we should do? Monty: (to the cat) you beastly little parasite how dare you, you little thug how dare you, arrgh beastly ungrateful little swine. I mean to have you even if it must be burglary. Why didn't I get any soup? You lose, you gain. What's going on? I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. What fucker said that? [a poacher enters the pub with pheasants stuffed under his coat, making him look like a hunchback]. How can we make it die? I happen to be the proprietor. We shall buy this place and fire you immediately. I can't take aspirins without a drink. I don't consciously offend big men like this. Marwood: Offer him yourself. Withnail: Withnail: You can stuff it up your arse for nothing and f*** off while you're doing it! How like a *god*! Talk. Had a weight under his fez. Thanks! This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Withnail And I. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. [he throws the shopping the air and it scatters in the mud. Will we never be set free? Offer him yourself. Well neither have I. I could hardly piss straight with fear. Withnail: So we're gonna make one that shits itself as well. Marwood: [eating chips while taking a bath] Ive got your saveloy. Monty: Marwood: I have just narrowly avoided having a buggering. Marwood: No you can't, listen to me, listen to me! Withnail:I'll not have this shag sack insulting me! STANDS4 LLC, 2023. [approaching the pub] Marwood: (Voice-over) Thirteen million Londoners have to wake up to this. This is ridiculous. You mustn't blame him. My heart's beating like a f***ed clock! Withnail and I Quotes - Poem of Quotes: Read, Write, Learn Withnail: It will die, it will die! But I never really had it in my blood, and that's what's so essential, isn't it, theatrical zeal in the veins. Hare. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. Withnail and I : r/movies - reddit.com This is ridiculous. An expert on bulls you are not! This doll is extremely dangerous. "GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!" "I feel like a pig shat in my head." "Don't threaten me with a dead fish." "A coward you are, Withnail. General: Withnail: I have of late, but wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth. It's ridiculous. Marwood: 2 pound 10 a tit and a fiver for his arse! And here we are, we three, perhaps the last island of beauty in the world. You never discuss your family do you? The movie, which ta. Withnail & I is in my personal Top 5 movies of all time for re-watchablity and scathing dialogue. If I hear more words out of you, I'll put one of these here black pods on you. Now, come along, he's going to revitalise himself and you're going to finish the vegetables. Withnail: Marwood: (Voice-over) Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Hey, show no fear! Look at me, I'm 30 in a month and I've got a sole flapping off my shoe . Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity. Nor women neither. [Marwood is leaving to go to Manchester to do a play. [shouting at his cat] ""Here. Night must fall and we shall be forced to camp. Monty: Danny: "It's gone. Suits me. To offer it the show of violence", [as Monty continues to recite the line from Hamlet, Marwood gets up and whispers in Withnail's ear]. These eels here are for his pot. Withnail: I didn't think he'd come all this way. Withnail: Little tarts, they love it! I really don't want you to. If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? This ain't fancy dress." Let go before it's too late or hang on and keep getting higher, posing the question: how long can you keep a grip on the rope? [looking at a newspaper] Withnail: And I'm sitting in this bloody shack and I can't cope with Withnail. Any minute now he's going to rush out and get into his tights. It's got to warm up. Marwood: Web. Withnail: Screaming like a madman he moves towards the bull, which turns around and runs back through the gate. Marwood: Withnail: Withnail: Do you like to experience all facets of life? But he's a very low-temperature spade, the Coalman. Right, you fucker, I'm going to do the washing up. Withnail: Have you had any training in the martial arts? The police, Miss Blennerhassett. It has felt like listening to a symphony and here comes the crescendo. Marwood: I say, you know what we should do? I've no idea. We get in there and get wrecked, then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50's each. Chin-chin. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Withnail: He told me about your problems. Listen, Withnail, it's a stinker. Stop saying that, Withnail, of course he's the fucking farmer! Clip from Withnail & I Rest in happy peace Richard Griffiths ! Marwood: My thumbs have gone weird! Oh my boys, my boys, we are at the end of an age!